Monday, December 29, 2008

It's Always Sunny In MuthaFuckin ILLADELPH

Just like Bobby DeNiro in that movie, I have a city that I love and hate equally. It's called Philadelphia, and it's currently the place I call home. A recent survey declared it home to the most unattractive, most uncultured people in America, and while this is mostly true, I can safely report that there are pockets of awesomeness and hilarity speckled throughout the shittiness. Fans of Always Sunny are presented with a city filled with assholes who are always on the lookout for number one, and this is the honest-to-goodness way it is, yet it can be so charming sometimes. I almost feel a strange catharsis when the servers at Pat's make fun of and belittle me. There's always a bit of sugar mixed in the diarrhea of inner-city Philly life. And there are many contrasts as a result. Areas of extreme wealth and extreme poverty are mashed together, as are people of extreme racism and unconditional acceptance. There are some of the warmest, most hilarious characters in the world, as well as the most despicable douchebags. And there are savage hipster hotties who could suck a bicycle tube inside-out (if you ride a fixy). As the great Ween said of this city: "Liberty Bell cracked in half, a Bacon Steak, a Perfect Match". It's the crack in the otherwise pure symbol of the bell that makes it Philly, just as it's the deliciousness of a good Cheesesteak paired with the dire health consequences. It is a city of ups and downs, blacks and whites, and a melting pot that bubbles and hisses with wild abandon. Unfortunately I am outside this beautiful and most historical of our cities today, having just watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" in my hometown of New York (and it was a little too long if you ask me bro). Of course, had I seen the movie in my usual Philly theater, I would've been host to yet another slice of Philly life:

This is just one more example of what makes this town so shitty/funny/awesome/terrible/violent/hopeful/endearing/appalling/unique. LET'S GO PHILS!

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