By Guest Columnist The Merchant From Resident Evil 4
Welcome!
Got a coupla things might inch-rest ya, stranger. Ya can upgrade yer weapons... or more... for a higher price.
Whadday buyin'?
No no, wait a minute, whaddaya sellin'?
Heh heh heh, I'm buyin' at a high price. Got lots of things on sale for you then, stranger. Got a couple things worth openin up me trenchcoat for. Might wanna fish around for a hautomatic rifle or praps a shahp shooter pistol then. I got me pistol right eeyah, an it can be yours, for the right price then stranger.
No, I'm not making advances at you. Really. This is part of my chahming cockney hack-cent and mischievous personalih-ee then stranger. Heh heh heh.
No, I'm actually a married chap then. Got the wife an kids back in anuvah level. Look here in me trenchcoat. This here's me youngest, Dora. She's a wee sprite lass then. Not but 9 pence old to the day onna spot.
Don't get to see much a her durin a day, mostly standin' around eeyah, waitin' for you. Not romantically, no. Ya see I may call you stranger and laugh suggestively at the sligh-est hexchange between us, but b'lieve me then, I got a fit bird waitin' for me back roun a pub. Reckon I don't know where me accent come from. Heh heh, thank you.
Take care stranger, got a coupla good things on sale today.
The Merchant From Resident Evil 4 is an unauthorized firearms dealer and a frequent contributor to The National Review
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