By Guest Columnist Kevin Barnes
Reverse the epithet lining my uterine walls, I've come all over the place. I engage the stormtrooper parallax fighting the queer-eye hippy-man with the Sunlandic tan.
(series of unintelligible howls)
Dissect me with your science eyes, we're on an almond run to the IHOP dimension I know you've dreamt about it Sugar. Correct my inefficiencies you condone my vodka percocets not drinking it.
It's hard to swim in the frozen lakes (x4)
He pulled out supermanning me with his night juices. I am a pawn a pawn a paowwww this sheet is sticking. Rectify the rectal exam this planet bestows my eyes are a gleaming infinity insert psychedelic reference I'm gay but I let straight chicks check me out CHECK ME OUTOUTOUT.
(oohs and aahs for about 17 minutes)
She sucked her own cock at the pirate booth. Not something you'd take the kids to I'd already bought it on VHS. Delineate the rules of her tigress dress unravelled at my bedside I own a strap-on. We played dress up til the champagne kicked now it's time to paint buddhas on my ass cheeks please. It's hard to swim in the frozen lakes I write when the gnome ain't watching.
Kevin Barnes is the lead singer of Of Montreal and a frequent contributor to the National Review.