Wednesday, February 11, 2009
i went to a psychic with my ex-gf in our latter days. it was an outing i was somewhat opposed to, since every time i've had my tarot cards read i get "death" and "the devil" and that heart with all the swords in it. i feel like because my own personal beliefs are kind of hazy and change from day to day, that actual calculated mysticisms like the tarot & such will often look unfavorably at my life and condemn it with bad luck and evil that isn't really there (i mean some of it's there but according to the tarot i have the shittiest life ever that is slowly spiraling downwards).
so we go to this psychic despite my reservations and we both get some ten dollar premium palm reading with an outlook on love and life. to my ex the psychic says "you will find love with someone who is very close to you in your life". cool. then it's my turn and already i'm expecting her to shriek at my hand as the cross on the wall catches fire and melts. what i get is this: "you won't find love for a long time. but when you do, you will be very happy and will have a prosperous life"
not long after that night the axe came down and i once more found myself a single man in the world. so now i wonder if i have perhaps entered into this period of being without love and just how long this all lasts until i find someone and become happy and prosperous. the way the psychic made it seem, i have a long period of emptiness ahead. no love, no meaning, only wandering the path that will eventually lead me to Where I'm Trying To Get, which due to my shifting beliefs doesn't seem to be anywhere specific. i wonder about what will eventually become of me and my love life. i have believed in true love before and didn't that turn out to be a jolly load of shit. as far as karma goes, i've done things i'm not proud of as a so-called lover, so perhaps i'm experiencing a bit of divine retribution. in any case, i have entered a season of bullshit devoid of reason and direction. i don't know if having love would necessarily right whatever wrong is represented here, but it couldn't hurt right?
NO YOU ASSHOLE STOP BLOGGING ABOUT TRUE LOVE YOU'RE LIKE A DEPRESSED 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL ONLY WORSE BECAUSE YOU MASTURBATE A LOT AND DON'T SHOWER FOR DAYS AND JUST KILLED AN ENTIRE BOX OF TASTYKAKES IN LIKE 2 DAYS AND YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC IS THAT OF A GAY DJ FROM THE 80'S AND YOU SPEND WAY TOO MUCH TIME BROING AROUND AND TRYING TO ORGANIZE ULTIMATE FRISBEE TOURNAMENTS.
come to think of it, my life is really awesome right now. happy valentine's day.